We all need opportunities to develop friendships and relationships which deepen and enrich our experience of life.  We learn life’s lessons in the company of others and it is partly through friends that we form our identity and feel valued.

For many people with a learning disability, opportunities for developing friendships and relationships can be restricted as circumstances can make it difficult to establish a social life and social network.

Making use of local facilities or groups to enable a person to have a social group outside his or her school or centre, which is often many miles away from home, may help. Local facilities and groups may include mother and toddler groups, local sporting facilities and groups, churches and Sunday schools, Cubs and Brownies. Use of respite care facilities may also provide opportunities for socializing outside a person’s school, centre or working hours.

Most parents have mixed feelings as their children begin to mature and pass through adolescence into adulthood. For parents whose offspring have learning disabilities there are often greater and understandable anxieties surrounding the time when they begin to express their sexuality and learn about sex.  Relationships can bring pleasure, self-esteem, confidence, love and affection, but also the risk of being hurt or other risks such as pregnancy, HIV and Aids. It is often the carer’s difficult task to strike a balance between sheltering those cared for from risks and allowing them to explore and develop wider personal and social relationships.
 

MARRIAGE OR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

When any young person wants to marry or enter into a more permanent relationship, parents and those responsible for care will have many concerns.  Are the people involved ready to cope with running a home, maintaining a relationship, managing finances?   Are they right for one another? Will the relationship last?  If the couple have learning disabilities, the concern and need for support and help are likely to be greater, to include:

	Practical and emotional support from family and professionals
	Sheltered housing
	On-going advice on household and financial management
	Sex education and counselling
	Family planning advice
	Genetic counselling services

It is important for parents and carers to be aware of their own attitudes and values, as these will influence the way we offer support or respond to a relationship. Feelings and attitudes may need to be examined to decide whether any opposition we have arises from realistic fears or our own values, rather than from seeing things from the viewpoint of the people concerned.

SPOD is a national organisation that provides a range of advice and information to aid people with a disability in their sexual and personal relationships.  It has a countrywide network of counsellors:

SPOD – Association SPOD
286 Camden Road
London
N7 0BI

Telephone: (0207) 607 8851
 

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SEXUALITY –
POLICY AND GUIDELINES

A multi-agency working group have written a document which forms the policy and guidelines for Personal and Sexual Relationships for Adults with Learning Disabilities within North Yorkshire Learning Disability Services.   This document is used to assist staff in various settings, such as, group homes, independent living schemes and day services that are managed by Social Services, Health Trusts or the private sector.   Regular training about how to apply the policy and guidelines is carried out throughout North Yorkshire and the document is updated regularly.   For more information or a copy of the document contact:

Tel: (01609) 780780 – North Yorkshire Adult and Community Services

The Policy and Guidelines are based on the following principles. People with a learning disability have the right to:

	Make friends
	Talk about their feelings
	Talk about sex
	Get contraception (but may have to pay)
	Talk to a doctor or a counsellor without them telling parents or carers
	Be gay, bi-sexual or heterosexual
	Have sex with someone who wants to have sex with them at 16 (or 18 if they are gay)
	Say "No" if they don't want to be someone's friend
	Say "No" if they don't want to have sex with someone
	Have privacy

People with a learning disability have a responsibility to:

	Talk to people about any problems they have with friendships and sex
	Understand what they are doing before they have sex
	Respect other people's feelings
	Respect other people's privacy

  
USEFUL CONTACTS

Brook Advisory Centre
Freephone for under 25s
Mon - Fri 9 am - 5 pm                    0800 0185023

Family Planning Association
Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm                    (0207) 837 4044

Disability Pregnancy and Parenthood
International (DPPI)                    (0207) 628 2833

USEFUL BOOKS

 
PARTNERSHIP BOARD – ANTI-BULLYING POLICY

A conference was held in May 2005 to discuss the issue of bullying. Many people with learning disabilities are subjected to bullying.  Those who attended the conference wrote a report.  Copies are available from the Mencap Centre.  If you are being bullied or made unhappy in other ways speak to someone you trust about it, your parents, a friend, your social worker, carer or the police.  You could also contact the Mencap Centre.  There are steps that can be taken against bullying and harassment. Bullying and harassment are against the law and against your human rights.

‘Keep Safe’ packs are available from District Council offices, Hambleton and Richmondshire Advocacy and the Mencap Centre, Northallerton.