The care of someone with learning disabilities can place particular demands on a family. Care may fall to one person who takes on the responsibility for most aspects of care relating to daily life, health and physical well being, behaviour, medication, dealing with the professionals involved, considering choices and decisions concerning daily life and the future.  Support from family members will vary. In addition to the role of carer there may be other demands from children, a spouse or employer.  As a family or primary carer looking after someone with a learning disability, it is important to keep a balance between the needs of family members and the needs of the member with learning disabilities.

While many families cope well with their caring role and individuals may choose to take on the role of primary carer, there may be times when the demands are felt to be overwhelming.  Physical and emotional strains can be placed on families, individuals and relationships.  The stress of day-by-day caring, combined with the isolation that can occur, can lead to exhaustion and depression. There are no easy answers. The following are suggestions to help carers cope with their situation.

First, acknowledge to yourself and others that you are doing a difficult, demanding and valuable job.  The experience, knowledge and skills that you have learnt in caring are second to none.  Your role is important, although not always acknowledged or valued.   Acknowledge too, that no one is perfect, but you are doing your best.  Accept that you are only human and that it is natural to be tired, irritable and angry at times.  Perhaps you are inclined to expect too much of yourself. In order to care for someone well, it is important to look after yourself and keep a check on your general health and fitness.  Set aside a “guilt free” time or treat for yourself each day and make it a priority – not just to be fitted in if you have time left over.  It need not be a long time – an hour to read a book or magazine or pursue a hobby, a long soak in the bath, a cup of coffee with your feet up, time to keep up with friends, an evening out, a weekly exercise session or a massage. Try not to think about what you could be doing instead and remind yourself that you need and deserve your own time.  You and your family will feel the benefits.  You may need support from others to achieve your chosen “time out”, ask for it – don’t wait for it to be offered.

Consider joining a self-help or carers’ group.  These groups can offer a chance to share feelings and experiences, access advice, information and support to one another, and provide social contact with people who understand your role.  Also, groups of carers working together have more of a chance, when required, to bring about change within the agencies that provide services.  Groups often have speakers as well as providing time for socializing, for discussion and relaxation. Carers Link is a newsletter available to anyone looking after someone at home, circulated by and available from:

Hambleton and Richmondshire Carers Centre
32 High Street
Northallerton
North Yorkshire
DL7 8EE                                
Telephone: (01609) 780872       Fax:(01609) 778370
Website for Hambleton and Richmond Carers Centre:  www.h.rcarers.org.uk

The Carers Centre will be able to provide you with details about carers’ groups in the Hambleton and Richmondshire areas.